Sanningen om roller derby....

You know you're a derby girl when...

-All of your pants are now too tight in the butt and thighs and too loose at the waist
-You take any opportunity to show off your new ass bruise
-You are disappointed when you don't have any bruises
-The worst part of practice is taking off your skates
-People call you by your derby name as often as your real name
-You think your derby name IS your real name
-The thought of being hurled to the ground at top speed doesn't scare you anymore
-You always end up in the hoisery section while shopping at a department store
-When planning a vacation, top of the list is "Is there somewhere I can skate?"
-Your friends are more afraid of you than they used to be
-You find yourself worrying that you are not eating enough carbohydrates rather than too many carbohydrates
-You may never know the real names of some of your closest friends
-Something is making your house stink, and you realize that your wrist guards escaped from you equipment bag
-You consider your skates to be your favorite pair of shoes
-You have to restrain yourself from body-checking the slow ladies in the grocery store
-While driving, you look over your shoulder at the cars coming up instead of using the mirrors
-The cop in front of you on the road becomes your pivot
-You quit your job because it doesn't coincide with your practice schedule
-Eight hours of practice a week justifies this piece of double chocolate layer cake
-You spend your phone bill money on new wheels
-You run into your teammates on the street and don't know how to introduce them: "This is Lamby...I mean Jen...I mean...aw crap."
-You forget you once pushed doors opened with your hands instead of a hip check
-You want your name on the back of ALL of your clothes
-You can't make it through a party without wrestling at least three people
-Boys won't date you because they are afriad of you
-You justify drinking all of that beer by going to practice
-You're no longer embarassed to go to the bar with flat hair, B.O. and a baggy t-shirt
-You visit a friend in the hospital with broken bones once a month
-You get in trouble for saying "I'm sorry"
-You consider putting off getting pregnant for fear of cutting into practice time
-Your cellphone is filled with names like "Dorothy Hammer", "Trophy Wife" "Suzy Shameless" and "Chica Bomb"
-You want to get your number tattooed on your left arm to save the time of writing in on there at practice
-You're minding your own business at a party, another woman grabs your boob and you barely notice (she's probably on your team)
-When your favorite bartender knows you only by your skate name
-You are now a frequent customer at the shops in the mall that you used to consider "just for bar sluts"
-You feel really short walking around without the extra three inches of wheels under you
-Your chest swells with pride when one of the new girls knocks you on your ass
-You often catch yourself flexing and admiring your own ass and legs in the mirror
-You squeal with delight and call your friends when anyone on television even vaguely mentions the words "roller derby," ie you can't WAIT for Speed Stick and Molson Canadian commercials
-You can distiguish who's gear is whose by sniffing it
-You have become a great orator because of all the time you spend yelling at people with a mouth full of plastic
-You actually drive two hours and PAY a someone to make you hurt so bad you can't walk normally for the next week
-You've seen more girl's asses than a porn director
-Girl-on-girl groping and kissing are no longer exotic to you, but just a typical Friday
-You've never put more thought into shoelace colors in your life
-You have ice somewhere on your body twice a week
-Instead of flying dreams, you now have skating dreams